I read Dr. Gary Chapman’s Book at least eight years ago. It was very insightful. I learned that my love language was quality time and a close second was physical touch. My mother second career was a counselor so I have always been about self-awareness. I had another blog about relationships earlier this month, and this is part II.
Do you know what your love language is?
Why is it important?
Well, I was having a deep conversation with one of my friends about life. We were talking about everything COVID, marriage, divorce, dating, raising kids, economy, how things have changed with everything due to COVID-19. One thing that resonated with me was a story about her marriage. She had all of the boxes checked so to speak. She went to college. She got a job. She found a man. She had a child and a dog, but she was not happy. She was going through the motions. She was taught that it was easier to smile and be agreeable than to speak up and be yourself even if they means you might not be compatible with a fine young man. Well, one day after years of smiling and being agreeable my friend realized that she was not happy in her marriage.
She was going through the motions.
I have been there too. I met a fine young man. He was everything on my check list. I smiled, I was agreeable. I was always the first to apologize even though we both were wrong numerous times. I kept the peace. The worse part about it was although I loved this man, I felt that he just thought I was okay. I felt like I was trying to prove how special I was. Prove to him that I was worthy. Well I lost myself in that relationship or more so situationship. I didn’t know where I ended and he started. Well it ended badly and it took me awhile to get myself back.
You may ask why I go into all of this. In order to love and be in a healthy relationship you need to know and love yourself. Part of that is knowing how you love, and how you want and need to be loved. Most people love how they want to be loved. In order for this to happen effective communication needs to take place so your partner knows your language and you know their language. Effective conversation, not an argument, not whining/nagging requests. I know this can be hard from experience, but it needs to happen.
Primary example would be my love language in quality time, and touch. Although I am busy I am not the women who need to be with a man twenty-four hours a day. What I do need “quality” time. I need for that person to be present, and be able to hold an intriguing conversation. I love to talk (to certain people- fine men would met that category), that is the way you truly get to know someone. I mean talk not text. Texting is not a great way to get to know someone although some people think so.
So I share with you the love languages quiz. See link below
There is one for couples, teens, kids, and single
Learn what your love language is and what you need and want from a potential partner. Also learn what your partner’s language is as well. If you can’t get it the love you need and desire, don’t hesitate to move on if need be.