A Silent Killer- Domestic Violence

by | Oct 13, 2020 | Blog

According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience violence by their intimate parter at some point during their lifetimes. … At least 5 million acts of  domestic occur annually to women aged 18 years and older.

October is domestic violence month and while you may think it doesn’t involve you or anyone you know or love. You maybe sadly wrong. People often live in fear and silence. I didn’t know how prevalence domestic violence was until two years ago this month. I had a good friend. We had been friends since college. I pledged her, after college I went to work then medical school and she moved to New York. We also kept in touch. When I lived in Philadelphia I used to go up on the train and always stayed with her. We shopped, we partied. I hung out with her linesisters. She taught be how to somewhat maneuver on the New York subway. I moved to Chicago. She later moved to the suburbs with her significant other and had a precious little girl. We didn’t talk as much but we always caught up at college homecoming.

Well October 2018 she was murdered by her significant other. I could not believe it. My friend was gone. A couple of weeks later another friend was murdered by her ex-husband. A week later an emergency room doctor was murdered by her ex-fiance at a hospital where I used to work. He also killed a police officer, and pharmacy student and would have killed more people had it not it not been for the receptionist. She called an alert, and moved patients out of the lobby.

I write this blog to bring awareness. Below are some signs of abuse. If you have a friend or family who is in an abusive relationship you can’t make them leave. They have to make that decision themselves. Do be a friend and be supportive. Also support legislation like

House Bill 3, a bipartisan measure known as Aisha’s Law, passed 94 to 0 May of 2020. The bill was named after my friend who was murdered by her ex-husband.

Under HB 3, victims would be referred to domestic violence survivors’ programs where they could get help in housing, job training, child care or other resources.

See below signs of abuse It usually doesn’t start with violence

Your partner bullies, threatens, or controls you: 

  • Accuses you of having an affair
  • Blames you for abuse
  • Criticizes you
  • Tells you what to wear and how you should look
  • Threatens to kill you or someone close to you 
  • Throws things or punches walls when angry
  • Yells at you and makes you feel small

Your partner controls your money:

  • Keeps cash and credit cards from you
  • Puts you on an allowance and makes you explain every dollar you spend
  • Keeps you from working whatever job you want
  • Steals money from you or your friends
  • Won’t let you have money for basic needs like food and clothes

Your partner cuts you off from family and friends: 

  • Keeps close tabs on where you go and whom you go with
  • Makes you ask for an OK to see friends and family
  • Embarrasses you in front of others, and it makes you want to avoid people

Your partner physically abuses you: 

  • Abandons you in a place you don’t know
  • Attacks you with weapons
  • Keeps you from eating, sleeping, or getting medical care
  • Locks you in or out of your house
  • Punches, pushes, kicks, bites, pulls hair

Your partner sexually abuses you: 

  • Forces you to have sex
  • Makes you dress in a sexual way
  • Makes you feel like you owe them sex
  • Tries to give you an STD
  • Won’t use condoms or other  birth control


My ski club Sugar and Spice a part of the National Brotherhood of Skiers is doing it’s part and we are holding a virtual run/walk/bike with all the funds raise going to a domestic violence charity. I ask that you support and move something while helping to save a life. ( link in caption)


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