I read Dr. Gary Chapman’s Book at least eight years ago. It was very insightful. I learned that my love language was quality time and a close second was physical touch. My mother second career was a counselor so I have always been about self-awareness. I had another blog about relationships earlier this month, and this is part II.
Do you know what your love language is?
Why is it important?
Well, I was having a deep conversation with one of my friends about life. We were talking about everything COVID, marriage, divorce, dating, raising kids, economy, how things have changed with everything due to COVID-19. One thing that resonated with me was a story about her marriage. She had all of the boxes checked so to speak. She went to college. She got a job. She found a man. She had a child and a dog, but she was not happy. She was going through the motions. She was taught that it was easier to smile and be agreeable than to speak up and be yourself even if they means you might not be compatible with a fine young man. Well, one day after years of smiling and being agreeable my friend realized that she was not happy in her marriage.
She was going through the motions.
I have been there too. I met a fine young man. He was everything on my check list. I smiled, I was agreeable. I was always the first to apologize even though we both were wrong numerous times. I kept the peace. The worse part about it was although I loved this man, I felt that he just thought I was okay. I felt like I was trying to prove how special I was. Prove to him that I was worthy. Well I lost myself in that relationship or more so situationship. I didn’t know where I ended and he started. Well it ended badly and it took me awhile to get myself back.
You may ask why I go into all of this. In order to love and be in a healthy relationship you need to know and love yourself. Part of that is knowing how you love, and how you want and need to be loved. Most people love how they want to be loved. In order for this to happen effective communication needs to take place so your partner knows your language and you know their language. Effective conversation, not an argument, not whining/nagging requests. I know this can be hard from experience, but it needs to happen.
Primary example would be my love language in quality time, and touch. Although I am busy I am not the women who need to be with a man twenty-four hours a day. What I do need “quality” time. I need for that person to be present, and be able to hold an intriguing conversation. I love to talk (to certain people- fine men would met that category), that is the way you truly get to know someone. I mean talk not text. Texting is not a great way to get to know someone although some people think so.
So I share with you the love languages quiz. See link below
Learn what your love language is and what you need and want from a potential partner. Also learn what your partner’s language is as well. If you can’t get it the love you need and desire, don’t hesitate to move on if need be.
Have you traveled or will you travel any time soon? I am not the COVID-19 police, so I won’t tell anyone what to do. I have not traveled but will have to soon for work, and may sneak away somewhere for my birthday. If you plan to go somewhere this is my advice. I will be doing this on my trips
Try to drive if possible.
Keep plenty of hand sanitizer.
Sanitizer you hands often, along with handles on luggage
If you fly, try to get an N-95 or a reusable respirator. I plan to use my reusable respirator (see below)
Take Clorox wipes to wipe off seat, tray, and arm rests while on plane.
Skip the food service if it is available on the plane.
I prefer Southwest, as you can sit where you want, and they are not overbooking like some airlines. As I would want the middle seat free.
I would choose an Airbnb over a hotel if that is an option, and again sanitizer frequently touched areas
I would also wipe down a rental car if you need one.
I would choice a trip that involves interactions with only few people if possible. It would also help if you knew if they person was following guidelines as best as they can regarding social distancing.
I would also stay away from hot spot areas— no Disney. My state of Illinois has a required quarantine if people visit one of the 15 states noted as hot spots
If you must venture out be careful. I know it is hard. I had a dream, I was going on a trip with some of my ski crew. I was thinking about my mask and how this trip would actually work and be safe. I just travel was on my mind when I fell asleep.
Be careful out there, and one day we will hopefully be able to roam the world and I can put my new passport to use.
So it has been over four months since COVD-19 changed my world as I know it. One week I was enjoying life at a ski trip. Who would have known that when I returned home in matter of a weeks the domino effect would start. One thing, after another would happen due to this dreaded virus.
I have been trying to remain positive and use this time as a time of reflection and growth. I have completed many things, many things that I was too busy to take care of pre-COVID. I am in the process of finalizing my will, and my power of attorney. I have made fitness goals despite no races this year. It so helps with my mental welfare. I cut some things out of my life that were not serving me. I was blessed with free counseling a service provided to healthcare workers in my area. Last but not least, I actually have been more intentionally about trying to date. Thanks to my girls for the needed push in that area.
In the process of trying to be more intentionally about dating I am learning more about myself. In the hustle and bustle of life I usually just go and go. The fast pace of life often does not lend itself to much self-reflection. This pandemic has slapped me in the face, and made me face a few things. One thing that I have learned is that relationship mirror relationship you have with yourself.
Things that we all can learn whether the relationship is long lasting or not
We chose how people ultimately treat us. If we love ourselves there are certain things we just won’t put up with.
We cannot depend on others to make us happy. Happiness comes from within. It is too heavy a burden to put that on another human.
Insecurities will surface whether it be fear, selfishness, jealous
In order to get something in life there is always a risk. The question is the risk worth the reward
We have to learn to communicate more effectively or relationships will ultimately not be long-lasting.
I am trying to smell the roses, and enjoy life as much as I can. If this year proves anything life is not certain. Our plans can change in a matter of minutes. We need to learn to play the hand we are dealt, and make the best of it.
We have been on quarantine for four months now. All my races have been canceled. My hospital had financial problems prior to COVID-19, so it just got worse. Just throw the whole year away. Add the 15 pounds that I have gained. I gained 10, loss it and gained 5 back.
With everything that is going on I find it hard to stay motivated. I got my second wind about two weeks ago. During our Major Taylor Cycling Club of Chicago meeting we had a special guest Justin Williams. He is a Black profession Criterion racer.
According to Merriam-Webster, a criterium is: “A bicycle race of a specified number of laps on a closed course over public roads closed to normal traffic.” It is the most wonderful thing to see, especially the pros. It is also fun to race. It has helped me with bike handling skills that I use on club rides, and when I race triathlons. I have raced about eight and I suck but I love it. I have a need for speed.
Well, following the meeting I said I would focus on cycling for the rest of the year. I will continue to run, but slowly as I am mending from an injury, and swimming has been put on a halt due COVID-19 gym closures. So cycling is what I have been doing. I have been making sure I wake up early and ride with Major Taylor Cycling Club of Chicago at least two days a week. I also added trainer rides in the week and a challenging long ride on Saturday. Working out releases endorphins and makes people feel better. I also challenge myself by riding with people who are stronger than me. While I am chasing them I am getting stronger and faster. Also, it is nice to be around people. I still take precautions and wear a K-N95 mask due to COVID-19. This makes cycling more challenging but it is the only way I feel safe going. As a results of my cycling, my mood is better, my runs are better, and I am making progress on losing those COVID-19 pounds for good.
I always say I learn life lessons in the midst of my challenging hobbies. One lesson is try to find something to motivate you and just do it. It will make the other things that may still feel like a struggle easier. The next is to surround yourself with people who make you better.
Proverbs 27:17 “ As Iron Sharpens Iron, so one person sharpens another.
Well my life has been turned upside since early March. COVID-19 has Schanged the world.. I am still learning much for this time of shelter in place. These are a few more lessons. Check out my prior blog for Part I if you are interested.
My current job causes me undue stress.
I thrive when I am busy, so this has been an adjustment
I love cycling. It is hard to train when there are no races on the calendar. I need inspiration and found some at my virtual cycling club meeting from pro cyclist Justin Williams.
I am a new fan of Bubba Wallace. I am proud of him for taking a stand to what he believes in– Black Lives Matter. Going to Nascar race was always on my bucket list. I will definably be headed to a race when it is safe to be in large groups.
I think I have a mild case of COVID-19 paranoia, while, I am not a psychiatrist People make me nervous especially new people. I went on a group ride a couple of weeks ago. We were drafting and riding fast. I felt great to be outside riding fast but being close to people made me nervous. Although I had a surgical mask, everyone else didn’t. I was short of breath an hour afterward. I am not sure if it was because I rode hard with a mask or it was my nerves. I had all types of thoughts going through my head “ Do I have COVID-19 again? Did I have it in the first place? If I have it again will it be worse” It went away and I went back this morning with my K-95 mask and was able to ride comfortably. I was weird cycling with a filtered mask, but I got a great workout and was not short of breathe.
I miss close contact with testosterone- won’t go into any further details.
As my Spec Dr El Brown my village in top notch and have helped me through the lows
People come into your life for reason, season, or a lifetime. It pays to know the difference and not try to make a reason person be more than that.
I hate on-line dating- this is just confirmed
I love Kev-On-Stage maybe I am late to the party. He is hilarious. YouTube has been my friend.
