How ironic is it that I post something regarding social media on social medial outlets? Let me start with the good.
Social medial helps me keep in touch with friends I have met from all over the world
It keeps me abreast of many current affairs as I tend not to watch the news in normal times. News is too depressing.
Pre-COVID it was good with letting me know what was going on socially and otherwise in Chicago.
I love seeing all my friend’s kids pictures. They are so cute.
Today I want to somewhat vent about the negative aspects of social media. It seems as if it is becoming more apparent in this pandemic.
The cancel culture is real and is often too soon without getting all the information
We often don’t read past the headlines. The headlines often give the wrong or partial information. Some people take it and run with it.
There are usually three sides to every story. One person’s, the other person’s and the truth is somewhere in the middle.
The political climate has caused too much division. All people of a particular party are not inherently evil nor or they inherently pure. There are good and bad on both sides. We all need to learn to disagree but show each other respect.
I am always willing to discuss a controversial issue with anyone. I just ask for respect, an open mind, and not for the purpose of arguing. Some matters people will never agree on so why try to change others mind. There are some issues where people want to be better informed in order to progress and learn. I wish people would stop trolling for arguments
This is my two cents. The world is messed up, can we all try to be more loving and caring as we are all hurting in some form
“When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. You’ll mostly see them avoiding friend’s phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public”
I need an escape from the real world, and Insecure is one of my escapes. When Nathan returned to the block party a few episodes ago this came to mind. If you are wondering what I am talking about, I highly recommend you binge watch Insecure. We are now towards the end of Season 4. I polled some of my girls to see what their definition of ghosting was. I asked three questions: What is ghosting? Have you been ghosted? Would you take a person back after ghosting? Have you ghosted someone?
What is your definition? Please comment below. Also feel free to share your response to my poll questions.
What does Ghosting Mean to You?
Definition above mentions friends or a person in a dating relationship. Some of my friends mentioned well was there a relationship. I think that may be part of the problem. Two people can often have different views of whether there is a “relationship”
Scenarios
I go on a few dates with a man. We have a wonderful time, and the vibe is great. We talk and text and then he disappears. We were not in a “relationship”. Is that ghosting?
I meet a guy we talk and spend time together. Then we talk/text for weeks. He disappears. Is that ghosting?
I date a man for three months and we are exclusive. He disappears. I would definitely say that was ghosting
My first point is what defines ghosting to you?
If you were ghosted and the person returned would you take them back? In regards to Insecure no I don’t want Issa to take Nathan back because I am #TeamLawrence. They can be friends if she wants to be. He did help her out so I will give him a pass. He also had somewhat of a valid reason with his new diagnosis of bipolar disorder. In my experience and in my poll it depends on the “relationship” and the reason. Again my three scenarios above.
Scenario one/two
The man was in a relationship that was ending and he had to tie up loose ends before moving on. He is not a good communicator. So he ghosted to end it with her to see if thingss will progress with you.
The man is working like crazy and is not a mult-tasker. He tends to push people away when stressed. Things calm down and he then reaches out
On Insecure so Nathan has bipolar disorder. He needed time to process that, then he returned to try to resume things with Issa
You are more serious than he is, and he calls when he is free. He never sees it as ghosting. He is not invested
Scenario three
I honestly can’t see a situation that has a good explanation. If you are in an exclusive relationship with someone for months and you ghost and are totally MIA that is a major problem. No return calls, text, email, direct messages. That would be a hard comeback
Have you Been ghosted?
I have but more a scenario one or two though. I don’t consider talking a week and then all communication ceases ghosting. That happens all the time with me from both sides. I don’t think it warrants an I’m not interested conversation. I may be wrong.
Would You take a Ghoster Back ?
I have again more so scenario one or two. See above The person would have to have a good reason. He would have to clearly communicate them to me. He would then have to show genuine interest. Honestly I may have initially trust issue. I always say actions speak louder than works.
Have I Ever Ghosting Someone?
I try to treat people the way I want to be treated. So I don’t recall every doing this to a guy.
Kendrick Sampson better known as Nathan ghosting guide
Today I can’t write what I had originally planned for this week. Maybe next week, I can share another Insecure inspired theme. My heart is too heavy now, and I really don’t have many words. I will share with you this song. I don’t have the rights to this music but it spoke to me.
This song written by Wills Well was for a friend who had lost an important person in their life. Well, I didn’t personally know George Floyd but his death has impacted the world. I said the world. There are even protests in New Zealand, Berlin, as well as all over the United States.
Another Insecure theme, I should write my blog based on their shows during the season. I have another one in mind for next week, stay tuned. Thanks Issa Rae for all the subject material. This is my list. Please share with me yours. We all have friends for different seasons, reasons, and there are some that last a lifetime. There are your friends you go to when you need to talk, vent, need advice. You have your friends you travel with, friends you club with, and go to happy hour with. People also have work friends, college friends, now we have Facebook/Instagram friends. I could go on and on. When it is time to end whatever friendship it is?
When it becomes toxic and there is no resolution in site.
When you are the person that pours into the relationship, but your “friend” does nothing to cultivate the relationship
When your friends always puts you down, the only way the relationship works is that they are the winner and you are the loser.
When your friends crosses a line that should never be crossed. i.e friend flirt with your man, husband
When you no longer have anything in common. You use to be at the club every weekend but now that you are married with three kids you no longer club. If all you were is club friends with no other substantial relationship there is nothing to hold the relationship together.
When the person can’t accept you as you grow and become and can’t be supportive in the process. Similar to five but they are different.
Nathan and Molly conversation is hilarious. It is long but a good listen to.
As I mentioned last week this concept from one of my favorite shows Insecure. Maybe I love Insecure so much because it causes me to do some self-reflection. I said google it last week, but let me share what it is. Impostor syndrome isanxiety or self-doubt that results from persistently undervaluing one’s competence and active role in achieving success, while falsely attributing one’s accomplishments to luck or other external forces.
I had to look it up as Ahmal mentioned in the “Wine Down”. This is so me. I am and have always been a perfectionist. I wanted to excel in school due to that fact, as well as my competitive nature. It was not that I necessarily liked school or a particular subject. I just knew I had to be great at it. Though high school, college, physical therapy school, medical school, residency, fellowship, first job, and the ones in between I have had the fear that I was not good enough, not smart enough. To this day when I have an obstacle and there are always those I often have fear and self-doubt. Whether it is that hard surgical case, board recertification, self-assessment tests for recertification, marathons, triathlons, etc. Oh my God, I had so many doubts that went through my mind before my first IronMan race last year. Anything that could go wrong, I thought of. There is always a fear in my mind that I will fail, and I will confirm this mean girl who told me she thought I was dumb when we were in middle school Add the fear of failing in a relationship and that is an entire other conversation
I share to say that no matter how perfect you may think someone life is, no one is perfect. No one has it all. We all struggle from time to time and while some may think revealing this is a weakness I beg to differ. I have had to learn to lean on God. When those fears come, I have to speak the opposite to myself. When fears of everything that could go wrong surface, I just have to think of a plan to counteract all of those scenarios. Also I often think what if the worse case happens it may not be that bad or the end of the world. We all have issues, and could all spread sometime on someone’s couch, at the end of the day.
